a perfect sonnet.

i had the pleasure of seeing the curious case of benjamin button on the last day of 2008. it really caused me to think about a lot of things; about how intensified my fear of aging is. about how we don't have to buy into the 9-to-5 lifestyle. about hummingbirds, and my fierce desire to change. about how valuable every day is.


we cannot stand here and make ourselves believe that our careers should ultimately be such a high priority. of course, if your career is your dream, then it should certainly matter. and if you're really struggling to support a family (and i mean really struggling, not "oh, i can't buy a new car every three months" struggling), then work is important. but i can't comprehend how so many people settle for that "white picket fence" idea, and having all of the little luxuries they can wrap their mind around; at the cost of being a workaholic and skipping those coffee-plans with friends who spark their imaginations, which is much more valuable a possession than a lexus. i don't want to turn into a drone, and i don't want to put so much emphasis on my job. when someone asks me,"what do you do for a living?", i want to reply to them,"i walk outside and inhale the sky, and do my best to make someone smile every day." because those are things that matter; those are the things what make a living, LIVING. not the number in your banking account. stop being a slave by choice. you are NOT what you do, or what you own. maybe it's my age talking. i haven't had to be put through these obligations yet. maybe i'm just telling myself all of this so i stop having anxiety attacks about my future. maybe i'm wrong. but maybe i'm right.


these numbers are evil, evil ideas. everything we apply a number to rapidly and undoubtedly becomes a means of judgment among us: wealth, age, intelligence, possessions, relationships, etc... and we believe them. we believe the numbers that cause immense amounts of destruction within us. the numbers that make our one life less than what it could be.

the one life that we use to avoid people in stores. the one life we use to make other people feel less like, well, people- when we should be loving them, at least attempting to realize they are breathing... just like we are. because we are all the same; sons and daughters of the light that blinds, children who are constantly stumbling in and out of the path of where we need to be. we have one life to save each other.

because every last person needs to realize that they deserve to dance, if they want to. they deserve to sing and to stargaze and to smile and laugh. they deserve the world in its entirety- they deserve the eiffel tower, the great pyramids, the grand canyon. everyone has a story that would knock you off of your feet without hesitation, and it's incredibly mind-blowing to look at everyone you see throughout an average day- in a store, at a stop light, walking down the street- and think that they have been through so much more than you know. it makes you think of how you are not alone, and how we are here to be with each other. we aren't supposed to be isolated, we aren't supposed to overlook it. we don't have time for that. we're supposed to come up from underwater and desperately breathe in the reality that every one of us has been broken in one way or another. that we need to give everyone hope that the day will come when they will be hit by the fact that they are worth so much more than they believe now. we cannot look at someone who is falling and let a life, a beautiful life, go down that way; alone, cold, unaware. we must extend our hands and tell them the truth that they haven't heard; that they are amazing, brilliant, beautiful beings who will rise from the rubble and build something great.

"For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit... start whenever you want... you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that stop you. I hope you feel things that you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life that you’re proud of and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
-Benjamin Button

the first day of 2009 is over. three-hundred and sixty-four left.
a blank canvas.
we can do this.




-c.






soundtrack: iron and wine, damien rice, sea wolf, bright eyes, augustana.